Fall

It's a been a beautiful weekend in Seattle- I am currently sitting in a coffee shop attempting to do the work I did not do during reading week. I sort of got distracted. But I also needed rest. And those are the excuses I'm sticking too. The sun is coming through the window and warming the table where I am sitting. I love the sun- and I'm happy to absorb some rays while I can.

I also read for pleasure this week- Eat, Pray, Love- I liked. It made me want to travel to Rome and gain 30 pounds. It also reminded me of the importance of finding oneself. It often feels like a selfish task when one attempts to really know who they are and yet if we do not take the time to find our "true selves" I think we waste life- or seek out drama to keep life interesting.
How do we stretch into who we need to be, and how do we get there? These are the questions that follow me around lately.

Hope

Tea for me

I am sitting in a new favorite place- Remedy Tea on 15th Avenue in Capitol Hill. It's incredible for a variety of reasons but the best reason being they let me light a candle under my tea pot. I like this place, my tea stays hot. I am also ADDICTED to tea number 12 "Hawaiian Blue", it tastes like coconut, it is lovely. It is also a white tea which means I am getting many healthy things that fight cancer and such. Gotta fight the cancer and such whenever you can.

In other news I am writing my paper on attachment. There is nothing like exploring how you attach or don't attach well in relationships. Is there anyone out there who has had a completely secure attachment to their parents? Is it a possibility? I am pretty much convinced that parenting is doomed from the get go- it is set up for failure so people like me will be employed as therapists... and so that people in general will be forced to understand who they are. I must say though, I think my base was rather secure overall- and for that I am thankful. Heaven knows therapy costs enough already.

Finally I am re-realizing many things lately- it feels like a bit of a crash course in connecting to myself again.

Finally part deux. There is a guy in this tea shop that looks like Data from Startrek- maybe a little more stylish, but still very Data. That is all.

Bon weekend.

Ahh The Innocence

Do you ever have it when a band becomes the soundtrack for your life for awhile? Where the mood and the lyrics all culminate to make the perfect life accompaniment. My Ipod currently finds me stuck on The Innocence Mission- before these last weeks I found her voice a little hard to get into- but now, I'm in love.

The coming of fall has been more of a metaphor than I was expecting this year. I find myself and those around me in many different stages of letting go- and much of the letting go feels like an active and painful choice. I can't help but think of another great band, Over the Rhine, she sings:

"'l awake to find your love
falling like leaves to the ground
I'll awake to find your love
falling like leaves
you will look to find me down
upon my knees without a sound
you will look to find me down
upon my knees".

So somehow this falling is also loving?
Who signs up for this?!

And now The Innocence Mission:

This barren July
We both wake up so dry
That no more tears can leave us.
And all we've found
Are roads we can't go down,
Eyes on a day we can't see.
I hope it comes.
I hope that water comes
And drenches us in our clothes.
The world at night
Has seen the greatest light.
Too much light to deny.

You never know,
You never really know.
And you can't have people figured out.
One friend came in
Out of nowhere, with lit
Sparklers in both her hands for me,
And saved the day
When I had run away
To envy and black feelings.
And the world at night
Could see the greatest light.
Too much light to deny.

And the image, Rembrandt.

Let's turn tail and run.. it's fun!

"Fear escalates in times of discomfort, no matter how remarkable or ordinary. We retreat from love, shrink from creativity, hide from loss. But how do we prevent our fear from sucking us deeper into dogmatism, depression and hatred, or their relatives, superiority, laziness and numbness. The answer is to find a response that balances our emotions through relating to what scares us, not through turning away from it."

-This quote from someone, that I stole from a blog I enjoy: http://traceyj.com/now/

The painting, Lawren Harris.