So I did not leave the continent... who knew?

Not I. Good thing I paid attention in Geography class. I just assumed that if you weren't on the major land masses you weren't on a continent. Islands feel too small to be continental. Not to be confused with the "Continentals" who are a jazzy little performance group in constant need of billets. If you've been a Christian for more than 15 years I'm sure you been asked to spare a room... and your life story on how you became saved.

Now that I am slipping into meanness, I am going to end with this:
I LOVE MY DEAR FRIEND MALKA.

And this:
I love the blue warm ocean- I am putting my feet in it every day until I leave, it feels like the right thing to do.

that is all,
sara

Sand in Uncomfortable places

It's been awhile since I have left the continent and I think it is about time to do so. I am hopeful for both rest and restoration.
And trusting for a bit of soul nurturing in the form of sand, water and dear friends.

Sweet Rich

So I've been listening to a lecture series on CD by the formidable Rohr. It is a lecture series he did (borrowing the term from Psych as well as Merton) on the false self v.s. the true self. I've been chewing on this false/true self concept for awhile now. After this past year of school, I feel like now, more than ever, the importance of knowing our true self. That really knowing who we were created to be could be some of the most important work we can ever do. This concept ofcourse is much easier said than understood... HOWEVER- Richard said something I can't quite shake- it's been following me around for days now and it's this:

"The true self is un-hurtable". In other words whenever we are hurt, or affronted, we can assume our reaction is coming from our false self. Essentially, there is something in the hurt that has to do more with us than it is ever has to do about the person who has "hurt" us. I found this concept both striking and humbling.


Art= Paul Klee

Guilty addiction

So I have this guilty addiction,I read the blog of the happiest family on earth. I cannot help myself, I am drawn to it like a bad accident. It could be my current state of mind, or space, but I honestly can't believe that life can be THAT happy.

They are SO happy: they love each other, they love their friends, they are always quoting Bible verses and helping the elderly. They make me feel quite bitter and jaded... but I just don't think life is easy. They make it look so easy, too easy- do you know what I mean? They home school, the kids do their chores and take cute pictures, the older girls bake ALL the time and the girls don't date... they court and swing dance. Because if I have it right, somehow one courts through swing dancing. This could be another reason for why I date, occasionally.

Seriously, jaded, bitter and possibly jealous. And maybe a small part of me wishes I could go back there.

I read once that wisdom is the death of innocence. I think this is why I go back to this blog...a happy innocent life sounds good some days. And another part of me is waiting for it to fall apart- because somehow that would make more sense to me. Is that horrible or just honest? Can THAT happy be real? I'm seriously baffled...

Oy!

I am struck by many things lately, much of which I have no words for. I rarely have the words I'm looking for, I am jealous of those who say what they want to and say it well. So if I had to try to put words to life right now it would be simple: life is hard. And at the risk of sounding like a Psych student- I think I've been living in a real split. I somehow wanted everything to fit into good and bad categories- and I am finding now that most things, if not all things, have a bit of the good and the bad. Not a major revelation really... but when all you thought was good suddenly looks bad the world gets dark quickly. And a dark world sucks... I like the good bits much better.

One good example of this would be the incredible institution I am currently attending. I really want it to be all good- but the reality is that it has its ugly parts too. Sometimes education can be the greatest ally and also our greatest enemy. I think the more you know the harder it can become to listen. The harder it can be to let go of answers. I am really longing for a third way- but I don't know how to live there yet.

I need more hope. Painting by Emily Carr is where I find some-
p e a c e